Ingeso 7 zo kwirinda, zisigaye zitanya abashakanye

Hari ubwo umuntu akora ubukwe ariko bigasa n’aho atabyumva neza ndetse bikaba bitamurimo asa n’utazi ibyo arimo nyuma y’igihe gito abanye n’uwo yakunze akifuza gutandukana nawe ndetse igihe kikaba cyanagera ibyo gutandukana koko bigahabwa intebe.
Dr. John Gottman; umuhanga mu bijyanye n’umubano n’imiryango, mu bushakashatsi yakoze yagaragaje ko ku isi hose abashakanye bagera kuri 91 ku ijana (91%) mu myaka 40 baba bakeneye gatanya n’ubwo bose atari ko bayibona n’ubwo baba barashakanye bagaragaza ko bakundana. Mu bushakashatsi bwe yerekana impamvu zishobora kugeza abantu ku kumva ko batagishaka kubana bagahitamo gutandukana.
1. Guhorana intonganya
Kutavugana neza mu rugo rw’abashakanye ni kimwe mu bituma umwe mu bashakanye afata icyemezo cyo gutana n’uwo babanaga kuko nta muntu wapfa kwihanganira mugenzi we babana mu rugo uhora avuga nabi kuko iyo abantu bashakanye, baba bakeneye kugira ibyishimo mu rugo rwabo. Iyo umwe mu bashakanye akomeje kwihanganira intonganya zihora mu rugo, igihe kiragera kwa kwihangana kugashira akumva batandukana.
2. Kutajya inama mu rugo
Iyo abantu babana batajya inama mu rugo rwabo ngo bafate ingamba zo kurwubaka rugakomera ahubwo ibyemezo byose bigafatwa n’umuntu umwe, usanga hari ubangamiwe bigasa nk’aho we ntacyo amaze mu rugo maze akaba yatekereza gutandukana n’uwo bashakanye kuko aba abona nta bufatanye buri mu rugo.
3. Kumva amabwire
Amagambo ashobora kwinjira mu rugo rw’abashakanye bakayaha umwanya ajya atuma umwe yumva azinutswe undi kubera ibyo abwirwa bitari byiza k’uwo babana.umuntu ukeneye kubakana n’uwo bashakanye kandi bakabana akaramata ntaba agomba kumva amabwire ngo ayahe agaciro
4. Ibibazo byo mu buriri
Iyo abantu babana ntibashimishanye uko bikwiye mu buriri abenshi ntibabasha kubyihanganira kuko ibyo byishimo biba biri mu nkingi urugo ruba rwubakiyeho, niyo mpamvu biba byiza kurushaho iyo buri wese mu bashakanye yuzuza inshingano zo mu buriri.
5. Kumena amabanga y’urugo
Akenshi iyo umwe mu bashakanye agiye avuga mugenzi we cyangwa amena amabanga y’urugo ntibyorohera undi kubyihanganira kuko ahita yumva ko uwo yita ko bajya inama nta banga agira bigatuma yahitamo gutandukana nawe.
6. Kubwirana ibyo bakoze mu busore bwabo
Kubwira uwo mubana imico itari myiza waba waragiraga mutarabana si byiza kuko iyo ubimubwiye ntabyibagirwa ahubwo ahora akubonamo ya sura mbi, mwavugana nabi gato akagira ngo usubiye mu byo wahozemo rimwe na rimwe akanabigucyurira bikaba byateza amakimbirane mu rugo arimo no gutanduakana. Aha ariko bisaba kwitonda kuko mu gihe utekereza ko ashobora kuzamenya ayo mafuti wakoze mu buto bwawe, ibyiza ni uko wakwitanguranwa ukayamubwira ugahita utakamba ukamusaba imbabazi unamubwira ko wahindutse kandi ubyicuza, kuko ayamenye warayamuhishe yarushaho kubibona nabi.
7. Gushaka kwikubira
Abenshi mu bashakanye bakunze gupfa imitungo aho usanga umwe ashaka indonke ku giti cye akirengagiza uwo bashakanye, bigatuma haza umwuka mubi mu rugo kuko umwe aba atitaye ku wundi. Abashakanye ntibaba bakwiye gutandukanwa n’ibintu nk’ibi mu gihe babanye bakundana by’ukuri kuko akenshi baba barasezeranye kuzabana akaramata, niyo mpanvu baba bagomba kwihanganirana muri byose kandi bakubakira ku kuri n’ibiganiro, aho bitagenda neza bagasasa inzobe bakabicoca bigakemuka umunezero ukarushaho gutemba mu rugo rwabo